How time has flown! This weekend marks the halfway point of our time at St. Francis Inn. We have spent five months working, praying, laughing, being humiliated, and generally living a simple but always interesting life. Today I am going to give an update concerning some of the people we wrote about in this blog.
"Mort" (12/30, 2 phone calls) is still coming daily to the Inn. He is living at a shelter and has had some short-term jobs.
"Steve" (12/9, Bathroom Duty and God) is still on the street using drugs. He comes to Mass occasionally, and Mark always gives him a sign of peace.
"Larry" (12/3, How to Say I'm Sorry) beat up one of the guests one evening in front of our house. Mark tried to intervene, to no avail. We called 911 and got the guest to the hospital. "Larry" ran off, and is banned forever from the Inn. Word is that he was wanted by the police for another crime and is somewhere in Maryland.
Johanna and Bishop Gumbleton (11/24, ...by sharing in their struggle for justice)left last Monday for Haiti. Johanna, a nurse practitioner, and 4 other medical workers are doing what they can for the physical needs of those hurt in the horrible earthquake. Bishop Gumbleton is holding funeral services for the dead. They are living in a tent and brought down medical supplies in their suitcases. Their emails describe the devastation as horrendous.
Joe (10/14, Veteran Volunteer) gave us a scare back in November. He didn't come in for about 3 weeks. People called him and went by his house, but he had disappeared. The Inn was called about missed appointments. We called various hospitals in Philadelphia, but there was no word. Finally, a friar who was visiting a hospital in New Jersey was asked to see a patient, and it was Joe. He had been in Camden, visiting a friend, and had collapsed and was taken to the hospital there. After numerous tests, his problem was diagnosed and he returned home. The very next day he was back at the Inn,bagging bread and telling everyone what to do.
In "Courage" (9/10) Mark wrote about two alcoholics who were in our chapel one morning named Danny and Richard. We never saw Richard again, but just yesterday Danny was at the meal. He is attending AA and has been sober for over 4 months. We hope he will be able to continue with his sobriety.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Family Pictures
Last Friday while I was working at the Inn, I asked Mark to take a few pictures of me doing various tasks. I usually take the pictures in the family, and I wanted to have a few pictures with me as the subject. Later, during the meal, I thought about all the pictures I have of our children, and now our grandchildren, at various stages of their lives. It occurred to me that many of the families that come to eat at the Inn may not have those wonderful mementos of events.
I went up to Diane, who comes daily with her three children, ages 4 years, 2 years and 3 months. I asked her is she had pictures of her kids. Her face fell slightly and she answered in the negative. So I asked her if she would like me to take some pictures of her children and get prints for her. She was very excited by the idea and said she would put good clothes on them for the Sunday meal.
On Sunday afternoon after the family finished eating, I took Diane and the children upstairs and snapped photos of each child separately, the three together, and Diane with all three. Although the pictures weren't as good as those done at a professional studio, I was able to capture some cute, smiling faces. As Diane left, pushing two strollers simultaneously, she seemed genuinely pleased with what had transpired. I look forward to giving the pictures to Diane when I get them back in a few days. Family pictures are something I have always taken for granted without thinking of the material items one must possess in order to have a record of a child's growth and development.
I went up to Diane, who comes daily with her three children, ages 4 years, 2 years and 3 months. I asked her is she had pictures of her kids. Her face fell slightly and she answered in the negative. So I asked her if she would like me to take some pictures of her children and get prints for her. She was very excited by the idea and said she would put good clothes on them for the Sunday meal.
On Sunday afternoon after the family finished eating, I took Diane and the children upstairs and snapped photos of each child separately, the three together, and Diane with all three. Although the pictures weren't as good as those done at a professional studio, I was able to capture some cute, smiling faces. As Diane left, pushing two strollers simultaneously, she seemed genuinely pleased with what had transpired. I look forward to giving the pictures to Diane when I get them back in a few days. Family pictures are something I have always taken for granted without thinking of the material items one must possess in order to have a record of a child's growth and development.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Seeing Into the Heart
On Tuesday, as usual, Thea and I began the day with Mass. The reading (from Samuel) dealt with the selection of David as the future king of Israel. You'll recall that Samuel was told by the Lord to go to the house of Jesse and to annoint the future king from among Jesse's seven sons. When Samuel arrived, the sons were presented one by one. Despite their lofty stature, social graces, and status in the community, the Lord rejected all, cautioning Samuel that he (Samuel) was judging these sons by outward appearance, not by what was in their hearts. Finally, after all of the sons present at the banquet were rejected, Samuel finds out that the youngest, David, is still out in the fields tending sheep. Samuel summons David and, sure enough, God accepts this youngest son because he has a pure heart.
Father Michael began his homily at Tuesday's mass by saying that it is hard for us to get past physical appearances and to judge people's hearts. He used the example of the guests we serve everyday at the St. Francis Inn. Many are not attractive, smell bad, and can even be abusive and ungrateful. Yet, their hearts may be entirely different: every guest has a story. Father recalled a guest named John (street name Dit-Dit) who came to St. Francis Inn for years. Dit-Dit was a mess: he limped on a ruined foot; his jaw was crooked; he was unkempt; and he was a drug addict. If you judged by the outside appearance, Dit-Dit was a total waste of a human being. But over time, Fr. Michael got to know Dit-Dit and ferreted out his story.
Dit-Dit was a relatively happy child from a two parent home in Kensington. Then, at age 13, both of his parents were killed. Despondent, Dit-Dit took to drinking and eventually became homeless. On the street he began hanging with the wrong crowd. One day, he asked some guys for a hit of crack cocaine. When he did not have any money to pay for the drugs, one of the guys said: "If you go put your foot on the Metro train line when the train comes, we'll give you a hit for free." The guys turned away laughing until they heard a scream of pain -- Dit-Dit had actually let the train run over and cut off a portion of his foot.
Another time, Dit-Dit got in a street fight. His jaw was broken and the ER surgeon re-set it using pins. Not long after, Dit-Dit -- high on crack -- looked in the mirror and saw the pins sticking out of his jaw. Not liking how they looked, he pulled them out -- disfiguring his jaw forever. Predictably, DitDit's destructive behavior eventually killed him. He was in his late thirties when he died, although looking at him, you probably would have guessed his age to be nearer 50.
Father Michael's point was that, there for the Grace of God, goes each of us. "How would you have reacted as a 13 year old," Michael asked, "if your parents, whom you loved more than anything else in the world, had died suddenly?" "Would your friends, other family, and your support net be strong enough to support you? Adolescence is tough enough under any circumstances, but would you have been able to stay stable in the face of such a tragedy? Would your faith sustain you?" Tough questions... really tough questions. In looking at my own adolescence (at least what I remember of it!), I have my doubts whether I could have survived such a blow unscathed.
So, the next time you see a grungy, unkempt, smelly homeless person, remember Dit-Dit. And remember that God looks into a person heart, not at his or her exterior. We will all be judged, not on the externals, but on our heart and its ability to love. For me, this is a challenge of a lifetime -- easy to talk about and very difficult in practice.
Father Michael began his homily at Tuesday's mass by saying that it is hard for us to get past physical appearances and to judge people's hearts. He used the example of the guests we serve everyday at the St. Francis Inn. Many are not attractive, smell bad, and can even be abusive and ungrateful. Yet, their hearts may be entirely different: every guest has a story. Father recalled a guest named John (street name Dit-Dit) who came to St. Francis Inn for years. Dit-Dit was a mess: he limped on a ruined foot; his jaw was crooked; he was unkempt; and he was a drug addict. If you judged by the outside appearance, Dit-Dit was a total waste of a human being. But over time, Fr. Michael got to know Dit-Dit and ferreted out his story.
Dit-Dit was a relatively happy child from a two parent home in Kensington. Then, at age 13, both of his parents were killed. Despondent, Dit-Dit took to drinking and eventually became homeless. On the street he began hanging with the wrong crowd. One day, he asked some guys for a hit of crack cocaine. When he did not have any money to pay for the drugs, one of the guys said: "If you go put your foot on the Metro train line when the train comes, we'll give you a hit for free." The guys turned away laughing until they heard a scream of pain -- Dit-Dit had actually let the train run over and cut off a portion of his foot.
Another time, Dit-Dit got in a street fight. His jaw was broken and the ER surgeon re-set it using pins. Not long after, Dit-Dit -- high on crack -- looked in the mirror and saw the pins sticking out of his jaw. Not liking how they looked, he pulled them out -- disfiguring his jaw forever. Predictably, DitDit's destructive behavior eventually killed him. He was in his late thirties when he died, although looking at him, you probably would have guessed his age to be nearer 50.
Father Michael's point was that, there for the Grace of God, goes each of us. "How would you have reacted as a 13 year old," Michael asked, "if your parents, whom you loved more than anything else in the world, had died suddenly?" "Would your friends, other family, and your support net be strong enough to support you? Adolescence is tough enough under any circumstances, but would you have been able to stay stable in the face of such a tragedy? Would your faith sustain you?" Tough questions... really tough questions. In looking at my own adolescence (at least what I remember of it!), I have my doubts whether I could have survived such a blow unscathed.
So, the next time you see a grungy, unkempt, smelly homeless person, remember Dit-Dit. And remember that God looks into a person heart, not at his or her exterior. We will all be judged, not on the externals, but on our heart and its ability to love. For me, this is a challenge of a lifetime -- easy to talk about and very difficult in practice.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
U.S. Saints
As Mark and I have mentioned before, Philadelphia is a very Catholic city. There is a Catholic church or school about every mile, it seems. We have had the opportunity to visit the shrines of 3 American saints, two here in Philadelphia and one in New York City. Unlike the shrines in Rome dedicated to good people who lived hundreds or even thousands of years ago, the American saints share a more recent time and place with those of us in this country.
Elizabeth Seton was the first native-born U.S. saint. She was married and had five children. Her husband lost most of their money and became ill, and the family went to Italy in hopes of a better climate. The family had to be quarantined, and during this period Elizabeth and her family were helped by a Catholic Italian family. She was so impressed with their faith that she converted to Catholicism. Her husband died, and later she had several children die as well. There were no Catholic schools in the country at this time, so she moved to Maryland and founded a free Catholic school for girls. Her order of sisters, the Sisters of Charity, were the first congregation dedicated to teaching in the U.S. She died in 1821, and was canonized in 1975. We visited her Manhattan home that is now a small church and shrine.
John Neumann was a Redemptorist priest born in Bohemia. He came to the U.S. as a missionary to the many German, Irish and Italian immigrants who had no one to minister to them. He became a naturalized U.S. citizen. He served in Philadelphia as a priest, and then became the bishop in 1852. He began the first Catholic school system in the country, mainly because most of the schools at that time would not allow the Catholic immigrants to attend. He also founded the Franciscan Sisters of Philadelphia. He was canonized in 1977. His tomb and shrine is across from the thrift store operated by the Inn.
The second Philadelphian to be canonzied was Katharine Drexel. She was one of 3 daughters of a wealthy family. She was taught at an early age to share the wealth she had. When her father died, she felt she had a vocation to the religious life as a cloistered nun. During an audience with the Pope, he suggested she start an order that would serve Native Americans. She founded the Sisters of the Blessed Sacrament, who opened boarding schools in the Southwest on reservations, as well as day schools in rural and urban centers for African-Americans. Many of her order live at the motherhouse in Philadelphia, such as Sister Margaret, retired after years in the mission field. Her tomb and shrine are very interesting. For example, one display has the stubs of pencils that she would not throw away because she wanted all of the income they had to be used for mission work. There are also Native American and African American crafts used to decorate the chapel. She was canonized in 2000.
Despite prejudice, personal illness and obstacles such as poor roads and living conditions, these three Americans teach us that we need to always be prepared to hear the call to help others, regardless of our station in life or vocation.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
The Road to Heaven
Here at the St. Francis Inn, we are blessed to have three wonderful Friars who are excellent homilists. This morning, Fr. Bill spoke on the difference between words and actions. He recalled a beautiful homily he gave years ago on being calm and accepting God's will. He ended the mass feeling "holy". Not ten minutes later, someone had come up to him and made a remark that caused him, in his own words, to "go ballistic". Fr. Bill's conclusion: "The road to Heaven is littered with failures, but fortunately, God understands human nature and forgives us."
This is so true in my life. Last Thursday, I was the Meal Coordinator. This means that I was in charge of the whole evening. The main tasks are: a) to coordinate with the cook to provide the "sides" for the meal (in this case I was responsible for 300 desserts, 325 dinner rolls, milk for our families); b) to make sure the dining room tables are set up with cups, utensils, and napkins; c) to ensure that the bread that we have had donated that day is bagged up and ready to be put out in the yard for our guests to take home with them; d) to make sure that all recycling materials (cardboard, aluminum, metal cans, and plastic) is bundled properly and put in our side yard; and most important, e) to prepare the evening work roster, placing our core team members and any other volunteers who are scheduled to be at the meal in appropriate jobs. These jobs include everything from monitoring the bathrooms, washing dishes, and handing out tickets to distributing food, manning the office, and waiting tables. It's a big job with many details, but as a former CEO, I like being in charge and look forward to being the "big kahuna".
I came "on duty" at 1:00, and the first thing I noticed was that the afternoon shift had only two people -- Fr. Michael and me. This is barely enough to get all the work done, and so as a good "type A" person I went into overdrive. I assigned Michael to prepare the desserts (his favorite job because he gets to sample all of the icings in the cakes!) while I went to work on putting aside the 325 rolls for the evening meal. Unfortunately, every time I got going, the phone or the doorbell rang. I forgot to mention that one of the coordinator's main jobs prior to the meal itself is dealing with the needs of anyone who calls or comes to the door. These needs range from checking to see if a person has mail and handing out food to providing info to refer someone to another agency or handing out a pair of gloves to someone who has none.
For the first hour or so, I just could not get anything accomplished: the phones and door were too busy. Fortunately, Thea, who had the afternoon off, came to my rescue. After eating her lunch, she came back at 2:00 and handled the phone and door. FINALLY, I said to myself, I can get prepared. Within an hour, the rolls for the evening meal were counted out into the bins; the rest of the bread was bagged and boxed for distribution in the yard; the milk and water were put out for distribution; and all the recycled materials were collected and put in their proper places. By 3:30, the duty roster was prepared, and by 4:00 the volunteers and team began to arrive. Sure enough, despite my preparations, there were problems. The college group that was supposed to bring five volunteers brought only four; and the high school group came with two instead of three, but "Mark the Magnificent" had already planned for this and quickly made adjustments. By 4:20 all the waitresses and waiters, bussers, and table set up people were trained (also my responsibility) and ready to go. By 4:25 we prayed, and the meal began right on schedule at 4:30. Things are going GREAT, I thought.
I forgot to mention that, during the meal itself, one of the Coordinator's big jobs is to handle requests from our guests after they finish eating. They usually ask for various toiletries (shampoo, razor, deodorant, feminine products, pampers, baby wipes, etc.), a bag of takeout food for a spouse or family member too sick to come to the meal, an article of clothing (hat, gloves, scarf, jacket), or some other need. So, while we are in the midst of serving 300+ people and the Coordinator is checking to make sure that everything from food preparation to dishwashing is on track, the Coordinator is also dealing with the specific needs of various people lined up. It is BUSY. As the meal progressed, I was loving it, but I was also stretched near my limit.
Then, it happened. Judy (who is one of the core teams members and Thea and my supervisor here at St. Francis Inn) came into the kitchen accompanied by an older gentleman. Together they carried about six large platters of food -- some shrimp casserole, sliced pork, ravioli, etc. Judy informed me that this man was donating leftover food from a party to us. Great news, except for the fact that the man wanted his containers back, which meant that I had to stop what I was doing and try to find other food containers. In the midst of my frenetic situation, this request seemed excessive. I told Judy that I very busy with other duties, whereupon she told me that not only did I have to comply, but I needed to do it NOW. As I frantically tried to find something to put the food into, she told me that we also needed to WASH and DRY the man dishes so that he could have his stuff back clean. Well, I lost it: as I transferred the food, I announced in an angry voice that this whole request was unreasonable and that I was too busy, etc. etc. Judy responded with a curt: "This is a donor and you need to do this!" Furious, I handed the now empty platters to our dishwasher and with a high pitched, angry voice told him to wash them -- RIGHT NOW.
Within a minute, the "dust had settled". The food was transferred; the dishes were washed; and the man was ready to go. I realized that I had insulted him, and I apologized. I also went into the office and apologized to Judy. I plunged back into the Coordinator's role, but by now the meal was winding down and there was less to do. I had time to review my actions: why had I not simply delegated this task to someone else instead of trying to do it myself? Why did I not simply take a deep breath and realize that everyone, including the man, could wait a minute while I got organized? In retrospect, I could think of any number of ways I could have handled the situation differently, and much better. I felt crushed: what had begun as such a successful meal had ended with me feeling depressed and humiliated.
Later that evening, Thea and I discussed the incident. She reminded me that before we came here we had said that one of our main goals during this year of service at St. Francis Inn is to become more humble. She pointed out that it is in just these kinds of situations that we DO learn our limitations and confront our weaknesses. She observed that, during the meal I had, perhaps, dealt directly with 75 people (team members, volunteers, and guests). With tenderness, she said to me: "You made 73 of them happy. That's not a bad performance!"
True, but there was certainly room for improvement in dealing with those other two. And how many other times, I thought to myself, have I stumbled and screwed up when I was trying to do something good? I can think of a number of times. Fortunately, God understands and forgives. As Fr. Bill said this morning, "The road to heaven is littered with mistakes."
That is, truly, a very comforting thought.
This is so true in my life. Last Thursday, I was the Meal Coordinator. This means that I was in charge of the whole evening. The main tasks are: a) to coordinate with the cook to provide the "sides" for the meal (in this case I was responsible for 300 desserts, 325 dinner rolls, milk for our families); b) to make sure the dining room tables are set up with cups, utensils, and napkins; c) to ensure that the bread that we have had donated that day is bagged up and ready to be put out in the yard for our guests to take home with them; d) to make sure that all recycling materials (cardboard, aluminum, metal cans, and plastic) is bundled properly and put in our side yard; and most important, e) to prepare the evening work roster, placing our core team members and any other volunteers who are scheduled to be at the meal in appropriate jobs. These jobs include everything from monitoring the bathrooms, washing dishes, and handing out tickets to distributing food, manning the office, and waiting tables. It's a big job with many details, but as a former CEO, I like being in charge and look forward to being the "big kahuna".
I came "on duty" at 1:00, and the first thing I noticed was that the afternoon shift had only two people -- Fr. Michael and me. This is barely enough to get all the work done, and so as a good "type A" person I went into overdrive. I assigned Michael to prepare the desserts (his favorite job because he gets to sample all of the icings in the cakes!) while I went to work on putting aside the 325 rolls for the evening meal. Unfortunately, every time I got going, the phone or the doorbell rang. I forgot to mention that one of the coordinator's main jobs prior to the meal itself is dealing with the needs of anyone who calls or comes to the door. These needs range from checking to see if a person has mail and handing out food to providing info to refer someone to another agency or handing out a pair of gloves to someone who has none.
For the first hour or so, I just could not get anything accomplished: the phones and door were too busy. Fortunately, Thea, who had the afternoon off, came to my rescue. After eating her lunch, she came back at 2:00 and handled the phone and door. FINALLY, I said to myself, I can get prepared. Within an hour, the rolls for the evening meal were counted out into the bins; the rest of the bread was bagged and boxed for distribution in the yard; the milk and water were put out for distribution; and all the recycled materials were collected and put in their proper places. By 3:30, the duty roster was prepared, and by 4:00 the volunteers and team began to arrive. Sure enough, despite my preparations, there were problems. The college group that was supposed to bring five volunteers brought only four; and the high school group came with two instead of three, but "Mark the Magnificent" had already planned for this and quickly made adjustments. By 4:20 all the waitresses and waiters, bussers, and table set up people were trained (also my responsibility) and ready to go. By 4:25 we prayed, and the meal began right on schedule at 4:30. Things are going GREAT, I thought.
I forgot to mention that, during the meal itself, one of the Coordinator's big jobs is to handle requests from our guests after they finish eating. They usually ask for various toiletries (shampoo, razor, deodorant, feminine products, pampers, baby wipes, etc.), a bag of takeout food for a spouse or family member too sick to come to the meal, an article of clothing (hat, gloves, scarf, jacket), or some other need. So, while we are in the midst of serving 300+ people and the Coordinator is checking to make sure that everything from food preparation to dishwashing is on track, the Coordinator is also dealing with the specific needs of various people lined up. It is BUSY. As the meal progressed, I was loving it, but I was also stretched near my limit.
Then, it happened. Judy (who is one of the core teams members and Thea and my supervisor here at St. Francis Inn) came into the kitchen accompanied by an older gentleman. Together they carried about six large platters of food -- some shrimp casserole, sliced pork, ravioli, etc. Judy informed me that this man was donating leftover food from a party to us. Great news, except for the fact that the man wanted his containers back, which meant that I had to stop what I was doing and try to find other food containers. In the midst of my frenetic situation, this request seemed excessive. I told Judy that I very busy with other duties, whereupon she told me that not only did I have to comply, but I needed to do it NOW. As I frantically tried to find something to put the food into, she told me that we also needed to WASH and DRY the man dishes so that he could have his stuff back clean. Well, I lost it: as I transferred the food, I announced in an angry voice that this whole request was unreasonable and that I was too busy, etc. etc. Judy responded with a curt: "This is a donor and you need to do this!" Furious, I handed the now empty platters to our dishwasher and with a high pitched, angry voice told him to wash them -- RIGHT NOW.
Within a minute, the "dust had settled". The food was transferred; the dishes were washed; and the man was ready to go. I realized that I had insulted him, and I apologized. I also went into the office and apologized to Judy. I plunged back into the Coordinator's role, but by now the meal was winding down and there was less to do. I had time to review my actions: why had I not simply delegated this task to someone else instead of trying to do it myself? Why did I not simply take a deep breath and realize that everyone, including the man, could wait a minute while I got organized? In retrospect, I could think of any number of ways I could have handled the situation differently, and much better. I felt crushed: what had begun as such a successful meal had ended with me feeling depressed and humiliated.
Later that evening, Thea and I discussed the incident. She reminded me that before we came here we had said that one of our main goals during this year of service at St. Francis Inn is to become more humble. She pointed out that it is in just these kinds of situations that we DO learn our limitations and confront our weaknesses. She observed that, during the meal I had, perhaps, dealt directly with 75 people (team members, volunteers, and guests). With tenderness, she said to me: "You made 73 of them happy. That's not a bad performance!"
True, but there was certainly room for improvement in dealing with those other two. And how many other times, I thought to myself, have I stumbled and screwed up when I was trying to do something good? I can think of a number of times. Fortunately, God understands and forgives. As Fr. Bill said this morning, "The road to heaven is littered with mistakes."
That is, truly, a very comforting thought.
Friday, January 8, 2010
A Day in the Life
A common question from the folks back home to us is "What exactly do you do at the Inn?" So I am going to summarize my (Thea) day on Thursday, Jan. 7.
7:30--went over to the Inn to get trash bags to take to the thrift store. While I was there I brought up the wash from the basement
8:30-went to Mass at the Inn. Fr. Michael preached on 1John4--if we say we love God but don't love our brothers and sisters, we are liars. I promised myself to work on that today, especially at the thrift store
9:00-helped Fred load the van with donations to the thrift store
9:15-got to the store. We were fortunate to find a parking place in front of the store. Often we have to haul the bags a block or more. We unloaded the van and brought the bags to the back of the store where Carmen could sort them. I straightened up the store, put a few new things on the racks, checked the supply of underwear and prepared to open for business.
10:00- the doors opened and the crowds rushed in. Well, not exactly crowds, but it is a small store with narrow aisles, so it fills up quickly. My first two customers are always Ms. Rose and her daughter. Today they bought 6 vintage pillbox hats for 50 cents a piece. We also had a box of Gymboree children's clothes, brand new. I decided to sell them for $2 each.
10:30--some of the Guests who had vouchers had made their way from the Inn to the store. A guest can get a voucher on Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday. It allows for a shirt, pants, and underwear and can be gotten once a week. Additional items like shoes, a coat or sheets can be added to the voucher. One Guest, a very petitie woman, complained loudly that we didn't have anything in her size. I had placed an extra small pair of pants on the rack that morning, and got them for her. She said they were too long. I suggested rolling them up or hemming them, but she was not happy with the idea. Many of the men had trouble getting pants in their sizes. We seem to get lots of large pants, but very few in waists 30-34, and most of our guests are thin. The men were very happy with the coats I found for them, as well as the new undershirts and socks I had for them.
11:30-a man came in with a donation. He had a truck with 10 bags of stuff and needed help carrying them in. The only other volunteer available was Bernice, who is in her 70's and had bad legs. So I left her in charge and went to help. He was parked more than a block away, and his bags were huge and heavy, filled with sheets, towels and other bedding. I had to drag the bags behind me as I couldn't lift them. After about 5 trips, the guy took pity on me and drove his truck to the front of the store and double parked while I got the last two boxes.
12:10--we got the last customer rung up, and closed the store for a brief lunch break.
12:30-0pened up again. Most of the afternoon customers were bargain shoppers rather than people with vouchers. One man came in and began putting pants and sweaters in a large box. I asked him what he was doing and he told me he was going to buy them all. After he filled the box, he brought it to the front desk and I began to add up the cost. It was $36 (I charge $1 for pants and shirts, and $2 for sweaters and sweatshirts). He searched his pockets for money, and then began to sway slightly toward the ground. I realized he was high on something and told him he needed to leave. He said, "I need to leave?" I thought he might challenge me or refuse, but he headed out the door. I then put all the clothes back on the racks and thanked God the man had been agreeable.
2--Fred came to pick me up. We grabbed the money and tidied up best as we could, and headed back to the Inn.
2:30--since the weather was a balmy 37 degrees, I decided to walk the mile to the grocery store and get a few things
3:30--returned from store and had a snack before going to the Inn the evening meal
4--Barb the coordinator assigned me to the yard, so I returned home to put on a few more layers of clothing. The sun sets around 4:30, and I knew it would cool quickly.
4:30--I did line up for the meal. This job consists of having the guests get in 3 lines. One is for seniors, one for families with children and the third is for everyone else. Each person gets a ticket as they come through the gate, and there is one color for seniors and families, and a different color for the rest. We change the colors every day. We operate on a first come, first served basis, so the first number goes into the meal first. We seat the seniors and families first, then go to the younger, single people. We have seating for 48, and a maitre d' tells me how many seats she has available, and I let the people in. The line was pretty agreeable with only a few people wanting to go in before their numbers were called. I even had an interesting conversation with a guest who had just come out of a mental institution after being involuntarily committed by the maintenance person at her senior housing.
6-the meal is officially over. People who arrive late can get some of the chicken stew in a "to go" bowl
6:05--I start cleaning up the yard and cleaning the guest bathrooms. I have to pick up trash, stack up boxes we used to distribute bread, wash the sinks and toilets, mop the floor, empty waste baskets, take trash to the dump.
6:35-once everything is clean and the food put away, we all go to the chapel for evening prayer
7 pm--home for dinner and watch a DVD
7:30--went over to the Inn to get trash bags to take to the thrift store. While I was there I brought up the wash from the basement
8:30-went to Mass at the Inn. Fr. Michael preached on 1John4--if we say we love God but don't love our brothers and sisters, we are liars. I promised myself to work on that today, especially at the thrift store
9:00-helped Fred load the van with donations to the thrift store
9:15-got to the store. We were fortunate to find a parking place in front of the store. Often we have to haul the bags a block or more. We unloaded the van and brought the bags to the back of the store where Carmen could sort them. I straightened up the store, put a few new things on the racks, checked the supply of underwear and prepared to open for business.
10:00- the doors opened and the crowds rushed in. Well, not exactly crowds, but it is a small store with narrow aisles, so it fills up quickly. My first two customers are always Ms. Rose and her daughter. Today they bought 6 vintage pillbox hats for 50 cents a piece. We also had a box of Gymboree children's clothes, brand new. I decided to sell them for $2 each.
10:30--some of the Guests who had vouchers had made their way from the Inn to the store. A guest can get a voucher on Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday. It allows for a shirt, pants, and underwear and can be gotten once a week. Additional items like shoes, a coat or sheets can be added to the voucher. One Guest, a very petitie woman, complained loudly that we didn't have anything in her size. I had placed an extra small pair of pants on the rack that morning, and got them for her. She said they were too long. I suggested rolling them up or hemming them, but she was not happy with the idea. Many of the men had trouble getting pants in their sizes. We seem to get lots of large pants, but very few in waists 30-34, and most of our guests are thin. The men were very happy with the coats I found for them, as well as the new undershirts and socks I had for them.
11:30-a man came in with a donation. He had a truck with 10 bags of stuff and needed help carrying them in. The only other volunteer available was Bernice, who is in her 70's and had bad legs. So I left her in charge and went to help. He was parked more than a block away, and his bags were huge and heavy, filled with sheets, towels and other bedding. I had to drag the bags behind me as I couldn't lift them. After about 5 trips, the guy took pity on me and drove his truck to the front of the store and double parked while I got the last two boxes.
12:10--we got the last customer rung up, and closed the store for a brief lunch break.
12:30-0pened up again. Most of the afternoon customers were bargain shoppers rather than people with vouchers. One man came in and began putting pants and sweaters in a large box. I asked him what he was doing and he told me he was going to buy them all. After he filled the box, he brought it to the front desk and I began to add up the cost. It was $36 (I charge $1 for pants and shirts, and $2 for sweaters and sweatshirts). He searched his pockets for money, and then began to sway slightly toward the ground. I realized he was high on something and told him he needed to leave. He said, "I need to leave?" I thought he might challenge me or refuse, but he headed out the door. I then put all the clothes back on the racks and thanked God the man had been agreeable.
2--Fred came to pick me up. We grabbed the money and tidied up best as we could, and headed back to the Inn.
2:30--since the weather was a balmy 37 degrees, I decided to walk the mile to the grocery store and get a few things
3:30--returned from store and had a snack before going to the Inn the evening meal
4--Barb the coordinator assigned me to the yard, so I returned home to put on a few more layers of clothing. The sun sets around 4:30, and I knew it would cool quickly.
4:30--I did line up for the meal. This job consists of having the guests get in 3 lines. One is for seniors, one for families with children and the third is for everyone else. Each person gets a ticket as they come through the gate, and there is one color for seniors and families, and a different color for the rest. We change the colors every day. We operate on a first come, first served basis, so the first number goes into the meal first. We seat the seniors and families first, then go to the younger, single people. We have seating for 48, and a maitre d' tells me how many seats she has available, and I let the people in. The line was pretty agreeable with only a few people wanting to go in before their numbers were called. I even had an interesting conversation with a guest who had just come out of a mental institution after being involuntarily committed by the maintenance person at her senior housing.
6-the meal is officially over. People who arrive late can get some of the chicken stew in a "to go" bowl
6:05--I start cleaning up the yard and cleaning the guest bathrooms. I have to pick up trash, stack up boxes we used to distribute bread, wash the sinks and toilets, mop the floor, empty waste baskets, take trash to the dump.
6:35-once everything is clean and the food put away, we all go to the chapel for evening prayer
7 pm--home for dinner and watch a DVD
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Reflections on our 36th Anniversary
One of the real blessings in serving here at St. Francis Inn is that there are regularly groups of college students who come to volunteer. I truly like meeting the young people and basking in the glow of their idealism and enthusiasm. Last week, we had a group from a small Catholic school near Buffalo, and I did donation pickups with a sophomore named Amy.
As we were driving around Philly, we got to talking about relationships. Amy is in her first serious relationship with a young man and after only a month or so, she and her boyfriend are talking "love and marriage". I cautioned her to go slowly, pointing out that marriage is supposed to be forever. I told her that my wife and I would be celebrating our 36th anniversary on January 5th. Amy told me how wonderful that was and asked "How did you get together? What was it about Thea that first attracted you, and why do you think your marriage has lasted when so many others have not?"
As we drove along, I tried to put myself back into the mindset of a young man. I was 23 when I met Thea. It really seemed like a very long time ago: I have been married to Thea much longer than I was single. It was hard for me to even remember what it was like NOT being married to Thea. I was silent, but Amy was persistent: after a few seconds with no response from me she asked again: "How did you meet; what was it that attracted you?"
I replied that what really attracted me to Thea was that she was interested in some of the same things that I was. We met in a tutoring program that FSU ran for disadvantaged children in Quincy, Florida. I was the driver of the car that took the group to the tutoring sessions, and Thea was one of the passengers. I noticed that this nice looking, young coed kept catching my eye in the rearview mirror and smiling at me. I asked her out, and she seemed interested in everything about me. She turned out to be sophomore (the very same age as Amy!), majoring in biology. We dated for a few months, and I left for the University of Hawaii to further my studies. Apart from each other, Thea's love for me grew stronger, while I began to get cold feet. We broke up; and then got back together, but I still was not certain that Thea would be my wife.
Shortly thereafter, my father and I had the opportunity to drive across the U.S. together as he and my mom moved from California to their retirement home in Tennessee. During the drive, Dad and I spent a lot of time talking about Thea. I told him that I just wasn't sure. Dad advised me to make a list of Thea's attributes, both plus and minus, and to see which list was longer and more important. Amy interrupted me at this point to ask, "So, what did you put on the list?" I replied that on the negative side, I listed things like: "Thea is bossy; and she is a blunt/to the point person; and "She is not a blond!"
On the positive side of the ledger, I wrote: "She is very smart; she loves me and will be true to me; she is organized; she is a Christian; we share common interests; and she is dependable. There probably were some other items as well, but those are the ones that I remember. Amy went on to ask several other questions: "What did you talk about when you were beginning to date?" I told her that Thea and I talked about serious subjects almost immediately. On our second date I shared some pretty deep, negative feelings that I harbored at the time, and Thea accepted them without question. That really impressed me.
Amy asked me what I thought had held us together after we got married. In particular she asked if Thea had changed her "bad habits" such as being bossy and blunt? I laughed out loud and quickly said that Thea was almost exactly the same person now as she had been back then. I also was the same moody, introspective person as I had been at the beginning of our relationship. I told Amy in no uncertain terms that Thea and I had not changed each other much. We both had compromised some over the years and the rough edges were smoother, but we were still the same people as before.
So, Amy persisted, what held you together?" I thought about it, and the answer was surprisingly simple. I told her that, once we married, Thea and I both were committed for life...for richer and poorer....better or worse. Through the years we both made each other mad, both were irritating, and both were "stinkers" at times, but divorce was never an option. I also told Amy that we had Christ at the center of our marriage. When Thea and I could not talk to each other, we could both talk to God and HE would be the conduit for the information. I told Amy that we were honest with each other, even when it hurt: we could, did, and do talk about all topics. Finally, I told Amy that Thea and I had a strong physical relationship which carried us through some of the rough patches.
By this time, Amy and I were back at the St. Francis Inn with our delivery. We unloaded the van, and she thanked me for the "advice". I wondered how much of it she will act on. You never know, but as I went on to lunch, it occurred to me that probably the most important thing that I passed on to Amy was simply the fact that I have been happily married to Thea for 36 years. That one fact demonstrates tangibly that lifelong commitment, faithfulness and happiness in marriage are all possible and are goals well worth working toward.
I wish Amy and her boyfriend luck and the Grace of Christ in their budding relationship. And I thank my lucky stars that I am not 19 again: living through being single once was enough!
As we were driving around Philly, we got to talking about relationships. Amy is in her first serious relationship with a young man and after only a month or so, she and her boyfriend are talking "love and marriage". I cautioned her to go slowly, pointing out that marriage is supposed to be forever. I told her that my wife and I would be celebrating our 36th anniversary on January 5th. Amy told me how wonderful that was and asked "How did you get together? What was it about Thea that first attracted you, and why do you think your marriage has lasted when so many others have not?"
As we drove along, I tried to put myself back into the mindset of a young man. I was 23 when I met Thea. It really seemed like a very long time ago: I have been married to Thea much longer than I was single. It was hard for me to even remember what it was like NOT being married to Thea. I was silent, but Amy was persistent: after a few seconds with no response from me she asked again: "How did you meet; what was it that attracted you?"
I replied that what really attracted me to Thea was that she was interested in some of the same things that I was. We met in a tutoring program that FSU ran for disadvantaged children in Quincy, Florida. I was the driver of the car that took the group to the tutoring sessions, and Thea was one of the passengers. I noticed that this nice looking, young coed kept catching my eye in the rearview mirror and smiling at me. I asked her out, and she seemed interested in everything about me. She turned out to be sophomore (the very same age as Amy!), majoring in biology. We dated for a few months, and I left for the University of Hawaii to further my studies. Apart from each other, Thea's love for me grew stronger, while I began to get cold feet. We broke up; and then got back together, but I still was not certain that Thea would be my wife.
Shortly thereafter, my father and I had the opportunity to drive across the U.S. together as he and my mom moved from California to their retirement home in Tennessee. During the drive, Dad and I spent a lot of time talking about Thea. I told him that I just wasn't sure. Dad advised me to make a list of Thea's attributes, both plus and minus, and to see which list was longer and more important. Amy interrupted me at this point to ask, "So, what did you put on the list?" I replied that on the negative side, I listed things like: "Thea is bossy; and she is a blunt/to the point person; and "She is not a blond!"
On the positive side of the ledger, I wrote: "She is very smart; she loves me and will be true to me; she is organized; she is a Christian; we share common interests; and she is dependable. There probably were some other items as well, but those are the ones that I remember. Amy went on to ask several other questions: "What did you talk about when you were beginning to date?" I told her that Thea and I talked about serious subjects almost immediately. On our second date I shared some pretty deep, negative feelings that I harbored at the time, and Thea accepted them without question. That really impressed me.
Amy asked me what I thought had held us together after we got married. In particular she asked if Thea had changed her "bad habits" such as being bossy and blunt? I laughed out loud and quickly said that Thea was almost exactly the same person now as she had been back then. I also was the same moody, introspective person as I had been at the beginning of our relationship. I told Amy in no uncertain terms that Thea and I had not changed each other much. We both had compromised some over the years and the rough edges were smoother, but we were still the same people as before.
So, Amy persisted, what held you together?" I thought about it, and the answer was surprisingly simple. I told her that, once we married, Thea and I both were committed for life...for richer and poorer....better or worse. Through the years we both made each other mad, both were irritating, and both were "stinkers" at times, but divorce was never an option. I also told Amy that we had Christ at the center of our marriage. When Thea and I could not talk to each other, we could both talk to God and HE would be the conduit for the information. I told Amy that we were honest with each other, even when it hurt: we could, did, and do talk about all topics. Finally, I told Amy that Thea and I had a strong physical relationship which carried us through some of the rough patches.
By this time, Amy and I were back at the St. Francis Inn with our delivery. We unloaded the van, and she thanked me for the "advice". I wondered how much of it she will act on. You never know, but as I went on to lunch, it occurred to me that probably the most important thing that I passed on to Amy was simply the fact that I have been happily married to Thea for 36 years. That one fact demonstrates tangibly that lifelong commitment, faithfulness and happiness in marriage are all possible and are goals well worth working toward.
I wish Amy and her boyfriend luck and the Grace of Christ in their budding relationship. And I thank my lucky stars that I am not 19 again: living through being single once was enough!
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